The Basement

Kerri Martin and her minions of marketing folks over at Volkswagen are clueless morons. I've written quite a bit about this here, here, here, here, here and here. In short, Volkswagen is a company wrought with ongoing quality problems and dismal sales across their product line which they compound by showing complete and total disrespect for their customers and prospective customers.

In today's episode of The Babbling Dolts of VW, we take a look at the the purpose and value of online interactive marketing. Specifically, Volkswagen has recently launched an online video microsite to support their "120 not-so-standard features" Passat campaign. Cool right? Wrong. VW has dveloped 120 - 15 second video clips that - other than clever plays on words - have nothing to do with the actual product they're selling. Think about it - 30 minutes (120 clips x 15 seconds) of focused consumer attention wasted on telling visual jokes. What a bunch of morons.

What do I mean? Well each feature - "Automatic Trunk Release" for example - has a little funny video associated with it. Except instead of explaining the feature, they make a funny play on words. In this case, an elephant releasing a telephone pole from it's trunk. Get it? Yea, me too, but I didn't laugh either. They're funny, just not that funny.

So what's my beef? I went to the trouble of going to my computer, firing up a browser, typing in w-w-w-dot-v-w-dot-c-o-m, I clicked on Passat, I clicked on "launch the microsite", I clicked on "view the feature films", then I clicked on "Automatic Trunk Release". THEN, I suffered through a short, mildly amusing film about an elephant trick. AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL AN AUTOMATIC TRUCK RELEASE IS!!!!!!!!

I understand cute and funny in a TV ad -marketers are competing for attention. By when a user goes through all the steps I mentioned above, they've already pledged some attention, lots of really focused attention when compared to a TV spot. And what did VW do? Ms. Martin gave me a TV spot where I was expecting consumer respect. Idiot. Ms. Martin, you've just pissed away your marketing investment. The internet is not TV. Consumers know this, why don't you and your $400M marketing budget?

In my opinion there are only two things advertising can do: entertain or educate. Consumers don't have to watch advertising. In our 187 channel Tivo world, this is more true now then ever. In order to get consumers to pay attention to marketing, marketers have to pay something to consumers. If marketers aren't paying consumers either knowledge (educate) or pleasure (entertainment) the consumer isn't going to pay attention in return.

Given the choice, marketing folks gravitate toward entertainment. Why? Because it is more fun to create and it's easier to get the consumer's attention. As long as clueless clients like Volkswagen and Burger King are prepared to pay ad agencies like CP+B for asinine advertisement like the Subservient Chicken, this crap will continue to exist. But to what avail? Sure it might go viral. But unless that translates into sales and/or loyalty, who cares? I can't emphasis to marketing folks enough - no one outside of the marketing industry knows what the Subservient Chicken is or who paid for it. Ask your waiter or waitress, ask your bank teller or your insurance agent if you don't believe me. Sure every one has seen the Paris Hilton fast food ad. Yes, something in the ad looks good enough to eat - but it ain't the burger. Awareness doesn't breed customers. Respect, information and relevance breed customers. Dancing chickens, Ms. Hilton and elephant tricks are none of these things.

How do these ads look from the consumers point of view? Consumer know that television ads cost hundreds of thousands or millions of dollars. They know that television commercials are targeted to the expected viewer of a particular show. They know that commercials like the Paris Hilton thing or the Burger King NFL spots have nothing do do with the product. So what does this say to the consumer? Marketers are saying...

I have a product to sell. I'm willing to spend millions to get you to buy it. There is no chance of selling the product on its own merits - otherwise it would be the focus of the ad. You are a knuckle dragging moron - I know because I target my ads and, if I thought otherwise I would produce smarter ads targeted at you. In fact, I'm so certain that you are a brain dead baffoon, that I believe if I can give you an erection or make you laugh, you will buy my product.

The other option for marketers it to educate - use advertising to make consumers smarter or better yet equip them with something meaningful to share about your product - not about your advertising. Marketers like CP+B seem to think education is boring. And yes, it can be. But think back to high school or college - there was that one teacher that you learned everything from because she was fun and engaging. And that's the secret - you can educate or entertain as long as you entertain. Entertainment on its own (Subservient Chicken, Paris Hilton, elephant tricks) might give consumers an erection or a giggle, but it's fleeting at best. In contrast, entertaining education can change a consumer's perspective forever. Let that sink in... change a consumer's perspective forever.

What are some examples (off the top of my head)...

Geico's Gecko (entertaining) taught us that with a 15 minute phone call we can switch our auto insurance and probably save money (education).

Smokey Bear (entertaining) taught us that the most dangerous animal in the forest is human and that we each have a responsibility to help prevent forest fires (education).

OnStar's real-life dramas (education) have taught us what OnStar is and why it is important to have (education).

Sure these might be the sparklyperfect message, but it give consumers a place to start the conversation. Which is better -

"Do you think OnStar would really help in an emergency?"

or

"Hey did you see that commercial where Paris Hilton rapes a hamburger?"

Volkswagen's appeal over the last decade has been to well educated, affluent, environmentally concerned folks. People who were interested in German engineering and the fuel economy of diesel. These are smart folks. The Passat in particular is not a cheap car - although it is affordable - it's not competing with the Chevy Aveo. So what about the Passat says that when people go out of their way to come to a website about the Passat they want some cute and funny video clips? Isn't it more reasonable to expect that they want 30 minutes of video that is actually about the Passat? I for one would love a clip that actually explains an Automatic Trunk Release.

Not surprising though, I reported over a month ago that VW has a website promoting their Jetta Wagon. It's still up. They haven't be manufactured since April and they aren't actually available. But you can still "build your own" on their website. It seems Volkswagen takes pride is wasting consumer attention.

BTW, if any of you Subservient Chickens over at VW would like to talk, my phone number is still 918-808-3072.